Why Is This the Exception and Not the Rule?

I hope this post will encourage someone to follow this example  of putting the children first in complicated adult relationships!  
 

Mom’s Amazing Letter to Her Daughter’s Stepmom

Rachel Bertsche

Mom's Amazing Letter to Her Daughter's StepmomStiles and Parish. Photo courtesy Candice Curry.

The relationship between a mother and a stepmother is probably one of the trickiest to navigate. In theory, you’d get along for the good of the child you have in common. In practice, it’s not always so simple. There’s often history and baggage between exes, bitterness and jealousy between biological mom and stepmom, resentment from just about everyone.

STORY: An Open Letter To My Daughter’s Step-Dad

But that’s not the case with 39-year-old mother Candice Curry and her daughter’s stepmother, 29-year-old Ashley Parish. In fact, both women are very clear on one point: They love each other.

In a Nov. 30 post on her blog that quickly went viral, receiving more than 10,000 Facebook shares and getting syndicated on sites likeThought Catalog, Today and Huffington Post, the San Antonio mom wrote “An Open Letter to My Daughter’s Stepmom.”

“I never wanted you here. You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you,” Curry writes. “When I first met you I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and a twinge of jealousy shot through my body. You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a young, sweet woman. … You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our daughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.”

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Curry goes on to thank Parish for respecting her position as 14-year-old Stiles’ mother, for filling in as ‘mom’ when Curry is away, and for unconditionally loving Stiles. “Ashley is so gracious and respectful of our daughter,” Candice tells Yahoo Parenting. “She always includes her, and was immediately so accepting, and that’s very hard to do for a woman who goes into a relationship with a man that has a kid. That’s a tough spot to be in.”

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Curry, Stiles, and Curry’s ex-husband. Photo courtesy Candice Curry.

After one of Stiles’ recent volleyball games, Curry says Stiles got in the car and announced that her friends thought it strange that Curry and Parish were sitting together. “It would be so sad if Stiles had to go from one side of the gym to the other just to say hi to all of her parents,” Curry says. “But she doesn’t know that our relationship isn’t the norm.”

Curry, who has four other children—8-year-old triplets and a 9-month-old son—with her current husband, says she wrote the letter “so that other families could see that it can be this way, and so that Ashley can know that I love her.”

STORY: Parents of Triplets Now Expecting Twins

And it worked. Parish says reading the post made her cry. “It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me in a really long time,” she tells Yahoo Parenting. “For her to recognize my role — not that I’m looking for recognition — felt so good.”

Parish says she grew up with divorced parents, so she was cognizant of her place in the family as soon as she started dating her now-husband. “My father had a lot of girlfriends growing up, and I remember them very often taking the attention away from my sister and me, so my first thought was ‘I’m not going to be that way,’” Parish tells Yahoo Parenting. “The relationship between a girl and her father is so important, so when we have the girls at our house, I want them to feel like the center of attention.”

Though Parish and Curry haven’t actually seen each other since the post was written, Parish says she can’t wait. “I need to hug her and thank her in person.”

Family therapist Dr. Paul Hokemeyer says getting to this place of respect between co-parents is incredibly difficult. “Parents have evolved to protect their offspring, so the initial response of biological parents is going to be to reject a new person who comes into their child’s life and think they aren’t good enough and keep them at arm’s length,” he tells Yahoo Parenting. “It takes someone who is really evolved to accept someone new into the family.”

So what have Parish and Curry figured out that so many parents struggle with? Primarily, that children need to be the first priority, says Robert Emery, Director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law and author of “The Truth about Children and Divorce.” “Kids in families who live apart want a life where everyone is on a team — their team,” Emery tells Yahoo Parenting. “Congratulations to both of these women for putting the life of a child ahead of their own issues. And congratulations to them for dealing with understandable issues like fear, jealousy, and uncertainty, and coming out stronger and deeper on the other side.”

Curry says the trick to her happy family is acceptance. “We had to put the past in the past and move forward and be cohesive with each other,” she says of her ex-husband and Parish. “At some point you have to accept where life has brought you and move forward and do what is best for your child. And we never ever badmouth the other parent or step-parents. Even in our worst moments, my daughter has never heard one single bad statement about them. That would be tearing away at half of who she is.”

To all the other moms dealing with stepmoms, Curry’s advice is simple: “You’re always going to be the mom, but try and find a way to be grateful for the person who is with your child in your absence.”

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    • My parents were very young when they married (18 & 19), and I was only 3 when they divorced. As an adult, I’ve come to realize (from other relatives) that my father was not the best husband in the world. He was never abusive, but he was just too young and immature to be a husband and father … Keep reading

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    • Circumstances, not shared, appear to be very unique in this situation.

      A living mother is and always will be the Mother. It wasn’t long ago, the term step-mother was reserved for women married to widowers with children. Now, in this age of redefining words, regardless of … Keep reading

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    • When my husband and I were married he had been divorced for a few years. I had never been married. They had a son who was 5 when we got together, and I had two sons who were 8 and 11. At first it was very hard trying to blend two family’s and dealing with an ex wife. When I say hard I mean … Keep reading

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    • My parents divorced when I was 9 years old due to an affair with my stepmom, and boy did I want to not like her but it was not to be, she was such a wonderful person to me in so many ways, she ended up divorcing my dad and she and my mom became good friends they sat together at my sisters wedding … Keep reading

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    • My ex husband was cheating with a co worker when I was preggers with our daughter. He decided to leave me for the other woman. She left her husband and her 8 and 10yr olds as well. They were so disrespectful of all the kids and spouses, it was just a mess for many years. They married and lied … Keep reading

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    • Wow! They are so lucky and blessed! My ex had been married before and his first wife was horrible to me. When he and I first got together and I met the kids I wrote to her and sent her a great book a therapist friend had recommended (Mom’s House/Dad’s House). I guess she was offended … Keep reading

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    • What a fantastic role model these little girls have in their mother! A woman who can behave like this is worth her weight in gold! I am in this very situation, but the mother is absolutely horrible. She refuses to speak to me and will not talk about issues her daughter is facing. This puts her… Keep reading

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    • I wish I could have had that kind of relationship with my ex-husband’s new wife. My ex and I had a son. We were married for 6 years before we had a son, and were divorced by the time he was one year old. At first the new wife and I got along well and I even helped her unload her car and take … Keep reading

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    • My boyfriend of 3 years has an ex-wife that I am certain will never allow this type of story to happen for us, if he and I should ever marry. She is upset that he has someone to love him, appreciate him and let him know that he is a good man. Something she apparently did not do. And he no longer … Keep reading

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    • It warms my heart beyond belief to read all the appreciative and loving letters from “the kids”. While my ex never remarried, I worked hard to maintain a civil relationship with him. He did not make that easy and did nothing to make our interactions pleasant or positive. But after a … Keep reading

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    • There are so many stories that can go along with this one that it shows that many people really do get it. Every parent’s first obligation is to the children in a divorce and addition of step-families. My ex and I are very good friends. I trust him and he trusts me to do what is best for … Keep reading

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    • I’m a stepmom to a 5 year old boy, I adore him and love him as my own. I never thought the first time I’d become a mom would be to my husband’s child, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. His mother and I have an amicable relationship, I respect her as his mom and we never get … Keep reading

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    • My daughter has the same relationship with her daughter’s stepmother Yes, in the beginning it was something that had to befigured out for the sake of the child. The advice that I gave my daughter is that it would be easier on everyone mainly for the child if everyone got along. That it would … Keep reading

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    • I am a 48 year old step-mom to a boy who has 2 good parents. She is a bit overbearing and I have gripes about the mother, but my step-son is a super young man. So obviously they have done something right. He is 17, I have been in the picture for the last 10 years.

      Also, I have a … Keep reading

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    • It’s been some 20 yrs. since my children’s step-mother came into their lives. I would’ve gladly have enjoyed that relationship with her, but instead she has disrespected me for all these years. It’s very sad. I’ve always complimented her on the nice things she did for the … Keep reading

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    • Yup, this lady is spot on. I’m in a situation where I’m a single mom, and the dad is married to someone else now. My child and I both love her step-mom and we all get along very well to the point that we hang out all together on a pretty regular basis. I see the step-mom as simply another… Keep reading

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    • What a wonderful testament to both women! My stepfather recently died and he was wonderful. I was lucky to have both him and my daddy for as long as I did. My daughter is 28, she has a stepmom and is a stepmom. While her stepmom and I get along well, I can’t say that our relationship is like … Keep reading

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    • Having been a step-mom who came in and cleaned up after a wrecking ball of a biological mother, it’s nice to see stepmothers appreciated for what they do.

      I loved my stepkids as my own, but when their Dad died, their mother did not allow them to keep in contact with me or their … Keep reading

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    • Wow. They are SO lucky!!!! I am stepmom and sadly my step-children’s mother will never accept me. Even though I am WONDERFUL to her kids, always treat her with respect, never said a bad thing about her and encourage the kids to be nicer to her and treat her with respect. She won’t even … Keep reading

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    • If everyone could look at things the way Ms. Parish did, i.e., “I’m not going to be that way.”, about the way her stepmom treated her. If something hurts you in life, you should do your best not to retaliate in kind, but to work your hardest to make sure that no one else has to … Keep reading

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    • Wow. What a great story. I was brought up with my dad and my stepmom, and I thought the world of her and still do. My family was a combined family also with my stepbrothers and sister. I loved thier Dad just like my own. So I think that it is better for children to have the support of all parents … Keep reading

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    • I’m glad this works out for these women and ultimately the daughter. I am on both sides of this fence. I get along fine with my stepson’s mother – I don’t always agree with her actions(he lives with us) but I can talk to her and voice concerns and not get any backlash. We have sat … Keep reading

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    • I spent 20 years in hell because of my step children’s biological mother. She had lost custody and never accepted responsibility for the decisions she made that convinced the courts to deny her custody. The courts only gave her 1st and 3rd weekends for visitation and no holidays or vacations. … Keep reading

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    • I am actually best friends with my son’s stepmother. It took 3 years of work but after 21 years we are still friends although she divorced my son’s father years ago. We had the best birthday parties as my son birthday is FEB 17 and hers is FEB 16. and my older son is FEB 12. Today she … Keep reading

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    • In my family, I am lucky enough to have both parents. I am doubly lucky to have 2 stepparents that are amazing. I was talking to a friend about how “step” has such a bad meaning (thanks Cinderella!) and she told me her family calls them BONUS parents. I told my stepdad he was a bonus… Keep reading

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    • My ex husband was cheating with a co worker when I was preggers with our daughter. He decided to leave me for the other woman. She left her husband and her 8 and 10yr olds as well. They were so disrespectful of all the kids and spouses, it was just a mess for many years. They married and lied … Keep reading

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    • I am a stepmother to three wonderful human beings. Their mom lives in another state, so I had little contact with her for a long time. And for a while, I believed all the terrible things their dad told me about her. And then it dawned on me that she couldn’t be the monster he described AND… Keep reading

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    • Thank you so much for publishing this story. My parents have been divorced since I was 5. At 7, my step mother entered my life. Besides the fact that my mother introduced my dad to my now step mother, they genuinely always put my best interest first. There was never any jealousy or resentment. 25 … Keep reading

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    • This story breaks my heart. I tried to do this so badly. I only had 1 child a son whom was very close to his dad. 6yrs after our divorce he met someone and they married and went on to have 4 children (she also had a son from another relationship). Before she was in the picture we’d go to… Keep reading

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    • It makes such a huge difference when the two women get along. I dated a man for a long time that had three children. At first, his ex-wife was a little apprehensive and I can’t blame her for that.

      She finally grew to like me about 4-5 months into our relationship and she could … Keep reading

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    • My ex purposely left my children and myself homeless and penniless to be with his new wife. At first he tried to get me to give my kids up. Told my kids they would have a new mommy. He convinced my oldest to go with him. Telling him I did not want him. She knew he was married with kids and did … Keep reading

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    • My ex-monster is such a mean and spiteful woman that she actually talks trash about my wife to my two daughters because she is incredibly jealous. But my wife never says a mean word to my daughters about my ex. She truly rises above the garbage and does her best to be a good friend to my girls … Keep reading

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    • I was 16. oldest of 4, when my parents divorced. Very nasty affair from my point of view.It took a few years before it became the norm for my Mom and 2nd mom to be sitting on either side of the table from Dad at holiday and special events. Dad never was real comfortable with this. LOL I think me … Keep reading

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    • The step-parent needs to understand that the children come before anyone else. They were there before the step-parent and will be there if the step-parent leaves too. I’ve seen so many jealous step-parents, jeolous of the children, jealous of the children’s other parent, causing triffling … Keep reading

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    • I have always felt that, as long as my children were happy and treated well, I would accept a step mother into their lives. My ex-husband is now engaged to a woman and they are planning to get married. We’ve met and I thought she was a perfectly nice person. Pretty. Thinner than I am, but that … Keep reading

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    • My step-daughters mother is the devil reincarnated, after 12 years you would think she would give up her antics, My step-daughter spoke to a judge and stated that she wants to live with her dad and I , and she was granted her request, so now mom tells her daughter that she is just a visitor and … Keep reading

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    • Sadly not all step mothers are this wonderful and gracious. I have a teenage daughter who’s God mother became her step mother, clearly you can do the math. This woman came into my daughters life with my expectation to love her, respect her, and be an example. Unfortunately this woman fully … Keep reading

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    • I wish all women were like that. My bf’s daughter’s mother (they weren’t married, he was “dating” her briefly and she lied about birth control). He has since been in other relationships before he met me. She has been a nightmare to me, spreading lies about me, commenting with #$%$” on some old … Keep reading

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    • I deal with the “stepmom” issue from both sides. My husband has two children and my daughter’s father has a live-in girlfriend. On the rare occasions when I see hubbies exes, there is nothing but civility and decency. I have never been jealous or angry. As well, when I see my ex’… Keep reading

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    • I wish I had a relationship like this with my step kids BM, but we are two very different people with two completely different up bringings. So we see things very differently when it comes to parenting. and that was me 7 years ago I was a young 20 something pretty, and full of spirit taking on 4 … Keep reading

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    • What a beautiful family. Depending on how the divorce took place, a relationship with the stepmom is simple. However, if the divorce occurred due to infidelity, a relationship with the new stepmom can be difficult for obvious reasons, but required. I had an awful stepmom that dated my father … Keep reading

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    • Honestly, if the point of this is loving your children above all else, then why not stay single if you have minor children and focus on them completely until they are 18 and adults. When you remarry or shack up, you are just creating more drama for your children who have already been through a … Keep reading

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    • Blah Blah. I’m a step mother and I never get any kind of credit for taking on the responsibility of another persons child. Let’s get serious, most biological mothers are psychotic towards step mothers.

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    • Every situation is different. To me the best is where the spouses co-parent, and then when the children go back to the other home, those spouses/partners co-parent. Any child in my home will be parented under my rules, and no one elses, certainly not a ex. And as for holidays, etc. do what … Keep reading

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    • You go, girl! It’s hard for mama bears to do this – and females by nature certainly get catty. Way to rise above, and be, as the article described “evolved”. You have a very non-selfish outlook that will only give your family more stregnth and support. I’m sure this is but … Keep reading

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    • Even though I am not friend with my son’s step mom. She is great to my son and I very much appreciate that.

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    • My step son and his wife come from broken families but fortunately we all get along. So now the grandchildren have four sets of grandparents and it works out beautifully.

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    • This is good parenting. It is obvious that the love for the child came before all else. Way to go! This is truly beautiful.

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    • Newsflash just because you married someone with a kid from another marriage doesn’t make you a step parent you are dad’s new wife or mom’s new husband but theirs no connection to the child. by law you have no rights as a parent. but we seem to forget this.

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    • My parents had a pretty nasty break -up when I was in 5th grade. They never talked bad about the other to me, though. And after my mom remarried, I remember one time my dad actually went up to my stepdad and shook his hand, thanking him for taking care of me and being good to me.

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    • unfortunately my grandson was raised by one of those “wicked” step mothers who said all the right things to his dad before they got married, but the minute she had her own child, my grandson was treated like the step-child that he was. He lived with his dad and step mother from age 10 … Keep reading

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    • My daughter is this this type of situation. She is developing a good relationship with the biological mom and loves her daughter dearly.

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    • This made me cry. I can only hope that I too will feel this way one day regarding my daughters and the woman in their fathers life.

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    • I brought two out-of-wedlock children into a marriage. My husband’s parents immediately became instant Buby and Zaidy (Grandma and Grandpa). Though we went on to have two other kids and eventually divorced, my ex’s parents always treated all the boys like their own grandkids and loved them … Keep reading

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    • I’m a stepmonster, as my steps jokingly call me, and I have found that if you always put the kids first, putting yourself in their shoes being shuffled back and forth, you’ll be successful. You have NO authority and really NO responsibility, but you definitely need the support of your husband. Without that, it doesn’t work.

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    • i get along so well with my exhusbands wife although he has passed away i will always keep in touch with her… i love you torey..as for my current husband i tried so hard to reach out to his exwife..i have never seen such hate she turned the kids against us and it hurts my husband everyday … Keep reading

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    • Not only is this what a true parent must do, it’s incredibly grown up, standing ovation to these two women & others like this out there…they are teaching their children love, forgiveness and saved them from a future filled full of psychological damage.

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    • I wish Katherine Torres would read this and be more understanding… I wish she would have allowed me to show her that I was not here to take her role, but to add to her son’s family..

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    • Curry is absolutely right I am a mom and a stepmom who had to have another women in my life. my first husband and I divorced when my baby girl was 5 and we never argued about anything in front of her. 15 years later I married again, and now I was the stepmom. even though I find myself on the other side of the fence, its still the same..its only about the babies

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    • Wonderful jstory I felt the same way growing up with divorced parents that got along and people thought it strange that I get along with my husbands ex-wife we spend Christmas together and everything we have endured alot of flack and misunderstanding for our relationship but when we were … Keep reading

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    • My guess is she’s remarried, too, and has a better relationship with her husband than she had with her ex.

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    • Not realistic when the step-mother is the reason you’re no longer the family you once were.

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    • A few weeks ago there was an article where the father penned an open letter to his child’s stepfather and it was pretty mch the same.

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    • This is all fine and dandy, but can’t anyone do a nice thing, or write a nice not just because it’s a good thing to do and not try to gain “internet fame”….it’s getting out of hand. Remember a good deed is suppose to make you feel good for the joy it brought to the person(s) you were doing it for, not for the pat on the back it got you.

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    • We buried my mother in law yesterday, a woman I loved so much and I wasn’t the only one. M.O.M. had five step daughters who treated and loved her like she was their own mother. All six of us will mourn her for the rest of our lives. Grace, beauty, forgiveness and acceptance and love, love, love — that was our Rose.

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    • I’m happy to say that I have a great relationship with my step-kids father. He comes over to spend time with his kids. We may sit around a sip a brew together. He’s a good guy with great kids that I love as my own. There is no positioning or anything similar. It can work.

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    • What a great positive story. Unlike the little brat who is suing her parents for college money.

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    • Kudos to all the wonderful step-parents. Step-parenting requires selflessness, patience, understanding, and Love, just as parenting does.
      Unfortunately, it isn’t always that way, where the children get included and are put first.

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    • It’s great that she’s at a place of acceptance to write such a letter. I can’t say I’m that close with my ex’s new wife, but I do respect her as the other parent in my children’s lives. When I get frustrated, I keep in mind something my daughter told me when she was 10. She … Keep reading

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    • It basically boils down to this: Maturity

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    • Raising kids isn’t that hard and even if you go through a divorce or have financial difficulties, as long as the family unit is always putting their kids first, the kids will grow up well balanced and feeling loved.
      Great Story

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    • If only this could be my life. In my perspective, there can’t be enough people to love my daughter; unfortunately, her stepmother does not feel the same and has made life miserable for my daughter.

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    • Good for them! My husband’s parents are divorced, but they have always made an effort to be cordial and respectful to each other. My husband told me once that it was the best thing they have ever done for him.

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    • First thing that strikes out with me id the drink in the hand as for me its all about being a great role model and with all the problems with it all i personally have’nt for 22+ years since the birth of my daughter, n winning Full custody of her when she was 6 1/2 mos, and that was seldom herd… Keep reading

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    • I wish every couple could be as mature as this. I know certain men who cannot “let go” of their wives or girlfriends and become overbearingly jealous and territorial . And they either get beat when they leave or they end up dead. So Sad. Im happy for these two women though. Thank God for their compassion.

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    • They missed something MAJOR here! This HAS to work BOTH ways for it to work AT ALL!!! Sometimes, the better person left the relationship for good reason and the person they left NEVER “evolves”.

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    • This is great for these folks, but it’s still preferable to keep the original family together if possible. We are too quick to throw marriage away in today’s society.

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    • Two smart women with their priorities in place. Great example.

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    • Good for these two courageous women. I want my stepparent relationship to be like this so badly. I just knew this was how it should work but unfortunately their Mom did not agree…Bravo for being so brave!

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    • This only works if SM is receptive. I’ve tried numerous times to reach out to the SM in my situation, but she refuses. In the end, it’s a loss for the kids.

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    • My mom and my stepmom have always gotten along really well. I am blessed to have 2 great moms!

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    • I love this. As a stepmom myself I know how important it is to have that good relationship with the childrens mother. People think it’s strange we are friends but I think it’s what is best for the children. It’s not always easy, we have had our fair share of troubles, but somehow we make it work:)

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    • This is how it is with my family and I would not have it any other way. It wasn’t until the end of high school that I found out that our family wasn’t “normal”. I thought that is how it was suppose to be until people started making commits to me on how weird it was. To me there is nothing weird about it.

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    • This is very sweet. In a blended family, it is great to have parents that respect one another, and even better to have step parents that will not try to step on toes.

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    • My father and step-father were best friends and traveled extensively together after my mother died. But my ex-husband married a lunatic (oopsy…pregnant at 39!) who not only does not allow him to communicate with me, but in 6 years has NEVER let him spend time with our sons unless she is included. And go figure if he is allowed to be of financial help….

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    • Such an inspirational gesture… hail to both moms!

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    • I love the step mother of my children and her lovely daughter. My ex, his family and my family do birthdays and holidays together…life does not have to be a war zone. Why would anyone want that for their children anyway. It’s okay to be an extended family. Can be fun actually…great … Keep reading

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    • I am actually friends with my son’s step mom. She’s a really nice person who has been through tough times herself. She recently realized that her “husband” was no good and left him.

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    • We don’t even use the word “step” in our family. I raised my bonus daughter from the time she was a year old. She’s always known that she has 3 parents who love her unconditionally.

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    • Yes, the children come FIRST! But for large majority of the Dad’s & Mom’s – they place themselves at the top, in other words, they are the ones being a child and should never have married and had any! Remember that – once you have children, you are the grown up and supposed to act like one! Jealousy and ego have no place in a family.

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    • My husband’s ex and I are the best of friends. I love her dearly and I am so glad that I was able to share her children and hopefully be a
      positive in their lives. The kids are ll grown now and we always
      celebrated holidays together. We have been doing this since the kids
      … Keep reading

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    • What a lovely story. Apparently I had a step-mother because I found out that my dad remarried and had 6 children. He and my mom divorced when I was almost 2 years old and that was the last time I saw him or heard from him or anyone in his family. Oh well I supported a wonderful therapist for 6 … Keep reading

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    • Too bad my boyfriend’s ex can’t be this mature and gracious. She’s a bitter, vindictive, pathalogical liar that has admitted she will do whatever it takes to bring him down. She bad mouths him and I know she has me as well. Oh well, life can’t always be perfect.

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    • My parents divorced when I was 6 years old and to this day, we have family holidays together and for me, it’s “normal” because that’s how it’s always been. For that, I am truly thankful to both of my parents for keeping my sister and I as the #1 priority and showing us that they might not be married but they can still be friends.

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    • This is possible when both parties are good people who want to get along. More often than not, one of the parties are jealous, b1t-chy and conniving.

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    • Someone who demands humans in a family to be a team more than likely have extreme athletic or militaristic or CIA guerilla training.

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    • Family court is secret. NOT open.

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    • And the children were never ever traumatized by any divorce cause they never ever were subject to the mother and fathers problems till someone else had to cause problems.

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    • I am SO excited that this letter is being read by thousands of people! We have a lot to say about this “step” business. God gives each of us enough love for everyone. It’s not a competition. I’m pretty sure there are not enough words to express how much I appreciate this letter … Keep reading

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    • I am very fortunate that the other two women of my children’s siblings are wonderful women. We all get along very well have raised all of our kids to be very close and in turn all the kids call all of us mom. All the kids have benefitted by seeing the strong relationship and in turn their children will have the same benefit of strong family ties.

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    • Hey if everyone get’s along, and it’s working that’s great. Often though it can’t. One cheats on another and all kinds of stuff. In those cases, the best is to co-parent with your new partner and let your ex parent with theirs. Do the separate Bdays, holidays, and that works just … Keep reading

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    • I am a stepmom and my husband puts me first, after God of course. It doesn’t matter that I am a step parent and I think children should never come first in any situation period. My husband had custody of his kids and they lived with us and they always had their fathers attention and love … Keep reading

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    • ohh I just hate reading long articles and letters. I just don’t have it in me anymore. something short and sweet is all i’m asking for. nevertheless this is a refreshing story even if I didn’t finish reading it

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    • I had that attitude, unfortunately, step mom just wanted my son out of the picture and she was finally able to do it. Thankfully, my son is old enough now to see for himself that she wasn’t all sugar like she portrayed herself to be.

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    • As I said about the article about parents cancelling Christmas, I’ll say it again here. Stop looking for attention on social media, I would have more respect for you. You love your kids stepmother, well good for you… That can stay private. You are now just looking for attention and validation form strangers!

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    • im going to be a step mom and not looking forward to it not because of me because of the ex (mom) and the kids, are just horrible people, their dad makes a lot of money and they flip out over everything. Kids are rotten meddling messes all learned from their mother so I have to find a solution so … Keep reading

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    • The polygamists in places like Utah practice stuff like this all the time, only without the divorce in the middle, and they seem happy. This is just polygamy in a kind-of different form.

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    • I bet if this lady was still single with no prospects, her attitude towards her ex-husband’s new wife would not be as gracious.

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    • “The trick is acceptance” Acceptance that the marriage is over and raising the kids includes other people now. My sons have the best stepmom now. They didn’t always(their dad is on wife #5) We hope she will stick around for awhile!! I,on the other hand,do not enjoy that with my new … Keep reading

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    • Although the story didn’t mention the Father’s part in this, a LOT depends on his attitude.Sometimes the two women in these situations would get along well if he fostered encouraged it.The Father can “make or break”the relationship between the two women.I hope more Fathers can realize that if they read this story.

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    • Yeah, well that’s very nice. My ex’s new wife does everything she can to unload my son onto her friends and relatives for overnights and playdates whenever he visits them. My open letter to her would read “I’d like to kidney-punch you B**ch.”

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    • A bit hard to do if the other woman is responsible for the break-up of your marriage. I don’t know if that’s the case here, but in such a situation it’s doubtful that the other person could love their “stepchild” since they helped bring pain to that child.

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    • So it’s one in a thousand where both women show this level of maturity. Of course, we see very little to help us understand why the first marriage didn’t work out, but I guess no one thought that would be a valuable part of the story.

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    • Easy to say, but the ex sometimes can’t let go or move on and it’s human nature that no mother wants to see their kids with another woman.

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    • Yeah, nice, but we don’t know the background. Sounds like they may have been divorced before he met the new wife.

      If step-mommy is the one who deliberately went after a married man and carried on an affair under mommy’s nose, encouraged daddy to leave mommy, etc., and they … Keep reading

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    • Here’s a news flash for all you “stepmothers” out there of the children who already have a mother and whose fathers dumped the group in favor of you. You will NEVER be those children’s mother. Your intrusion into their lives is chaotic and injurious and they don’t need you … Keep reading

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    • Good to know that such relationships still exists….because they do exists. However the stories are very rare and are hardly talked about.
      ~keep spreading the love~

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    • this is awesome, I get along great with my ex and his wife, my kids are better people because of it, they’ve seen us hurt but never them.

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    • My parents divorced when I was young and neither ever spoke a harsh word against the other or my stepparents. My sister and I never felt like pawns. The real trick is to love your children more than you dislike or resent the ex. This little girl is very lucky to have such parents.

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    • That man had better get down on both knees and thank GOD every single day to have 3 fantastic women in his life

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    • This will happen more often if baby mamas were not jealous and upset. They use the kids to get back at the men that no longer wants them.

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    • It’s good to hear about grownups acting like grownups. Their daughter wins.

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    • If you are going to get married twice, three times ,four times, don’t get married.

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    • Wow. This is great. What a gift this is to the child. The child will never feel torn or guilty. Too bad all situations can’t be this way.

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    • When my parents divorced, I was already out on my own but my 10 years younger brother was at home. He was the forgotten child. My mom sat around and cried and moaned all the time and his dad was too wrapped up in the new woman. I always thought I was so blessed in being out of that house when that … Keep reading

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    • Guy went from a 39 year old to a 29 year old…he’s my hero!!

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    • “You put her relationship with her daddy above yours…” Any marriage in which the relationship between husband and wife is not the primary focus will fail.

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    • I dunno….Curry’s letter seems pretty catty to me. I’m sure she wasn’t part of step mom’s plans, either. Bio-mom is really clear to paint step mom as the outsider and still seems jealous, IMO. Glad they seemed to compromise.

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    • I dunno….Curry’s letter seems pretty catty to me. I’m sure she wasn’t part of step mom’s plans, either. Bio-mom is really clear to paint step mom as the outsider and still seems jealous, IMO. Glad they seemed to compromise.

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    • What a great heart warming story

    • I CONGRATULATE TWO COURAGES WOMAN…

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    • And that’s the way they became the Brady Bunch. .

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    • She has a newborn and 2 other kids from a new husband, I am sure that helps. The fact that both she and her ex have moved on and are happy with their life is the main reason.

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    • These two women are very special…God Bless!

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    • Another man raising my children? NEVER..Just would crush me my 5 year old playing catch with his step dad

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    • Have prospective step parents watch Stepmom with Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon… that’s all ya need.

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    • The Ex is now living with the Woman he cheated on me with while I was in Chemo fighting for my life…… it’s why he left me. There will NEVER be any reconciliation…..

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    • I think it depends on whether the stepmother was the “other” woman before the divorce.

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    • That is so amazing. You guys brought tears to my eyes. Now that’s a healthy-hearty relationship.Gods gift.

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    • I am glad they can get along…I had a step father…and lets just say it was the worst experience of my life….He was the most abusive (in all ways) to me and my siblings….so I dont have the same feelings about step parents like some do….but I am happy to know/see that it can work out for some….

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    • Wow! Grown-ups being grown-ups. Lucky kid to have such caring and thoughtful adults in her life.

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    • You can tell the true nature of a person, in how they treat their spouse’s ex and children.

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    • I took my mother, and my step-mom to Bermuda together. They had a ball. My mom has passed, but thanked me for her “new friend” Vera shortly after the trip. My momVera tells the story of the trip every time I see her. momVera has been my mom for over 30 years, but always respected my Mother of 45 years. I know Love because of Them. Very good story…

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    • Very sweet story. God bless these families for setting such a good example!

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    • Good luck to the man. You don’t have a chance in hell.

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    • Life without my step-mom is unbearable. Life is cold and void of love.

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    • Single mothers always complain that they can’t find a man cause they have kids and its a “turn off” for many men. Well, then stop with the drama and people will be less terrified of dating someone with baggage. Same goes for men.

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    • If the ex-spouse was a real husband to begin with, there never would have been divorce. It is my family!!!!!!my family!!! That has kept ALL of their vows regardless. !!! My family!!!!!

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    • Mothers are real, stepmothers are fake. Don’t! Make a real mother cry.

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    • My step daughters introduce me as their step mom but tell everyone “don’t worry shes not evil” and there mom and i get along well we all go on trips and camping and have big family party’s shes the sister in law i wish i had and she is super nice to my son, as well as all of her family

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    • my son’s daughter’s mother and step-mother have a very nice relationship, as do her father and future step-father. Kudos to 4 savvy people!

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    • very classy and touching thing to do!

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    • I have to say that I give these woman alot of respect. And their daughter will be ever so grateful for their acceptance of each other. I was the same way when my ex was dating. I would take my kids to buy birthday presents for who he was dating and even helped them cook dinner for them. My kids … Keep reading

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    • wish my ex would read this. woman loves making my life hell & in the process her daughters, she will never see it…what’s important…she is way to selfish…obviously these 2 woman are not….just saying…

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    • Would never marry a guy with more than one child.

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    • screw college who the hell has a right to College?

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    • Many women sweep the nest clean when they move in. It’s lovely to see these women love and respect each other! If we just had a little more love and respect in our lives…What a more wonderful world it would be!

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    • If we could only be so lucky. My husband’s ex made life a living hell for 15 years. The only happy spot is that “our” child is now grown and I don’t have to deal with sorry #$%$.

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    • husband left her for a younger model

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    • Not to go off topic, but I would bang both of them!

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    • This is nice to read. Many people I know use their kids as weapons after a divorce. I have seen some where at the end everyone is a train wreck. Hooray for Candice and Ashley!!!

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    • Sorry but parents should not be obligated by law to pay for their kids college education .

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    • This is a dream…..I am a step-mother and all I have ever gotten from the mother is her sneakiness to try and sabotage my relationships with both her daughter and my husband right from the start……..When her father and I were first together the child was so starved for positive female … Keep reading

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    • Congrats, but “Beaners” have been doing this for years–choice or no choice!!! (Just sayen)

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    • @Rachel…. Why don’t you start dealing with the “real” issues of life that parents face ? instead of this feel good, mamsy pamsy #$%$ ?

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    • When I married my husband he had 2 girls, 17 & 15. I had no children of my own. He raised his children alone, all by himself. I knew he was a wonderful man based on that reason alone. When I first met them my concern was that they wouldn’t accept me because I was only 8 years older than his … Keep reading

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    • Great story, only if all bio moms could be as nice. Being a step-mom isn’t always easy, you feel in the way at times, when your step kids tell you all the horrible things their mother says about you it doesn’t make it easier. Some people need to grow up. I just have to smile and take it … Keep reading

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    • I’ve been married to my husband 7 years now and I’ve never spoken with his ex. They were a dual army couple so most of that has to do with the fact that we are always on opposites sides of the country. That being said, I couldn’t have married in to a better blended family than I did. … Keep reading

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    • This may be more common than most people think. Even though my dad left my mom for my stepmom (leaving mom with 2 kids to raise by herself when I was only 3), you would think my two moms were best friends. Ma stays with Mom when she comes to visit her grandchildren and they spend the evenings … Keep reading

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    • I think the relationship with the ex has a great deal to do with the relationship with the stepmother. My 2nd husband’s divorce was not acrimonious, and he and his ex-wife communicated very well (for the most part) regarding the children. She and I are still friends, even though I am also … Keep reading

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    • My parents divorced when I was 12, my dad remarried a wonderful woman whom I love and call Mom. My Mom hates the fact that we love her and we can never have family get togethers. I am now 32 with 5 children of my own and their poor relationship affects all of us. We can’t have birthday … Keep reading

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    • I got married when I was very young. I had my son a month after I turned 18. The marriage only lasted three years. It was a little difficult to transition once I married my current husband. We all came to the realization that we needed to think of our son first. Even after my husband adopted my … Keep reading

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    • I am the “Stepmom”. Being the product of a divorce myself and being THE STEPCHILD is a horrible place to be. Always feeling unwanted and unloved or in the way. I promised NEVER to be that way with my son (stepson). From day one he was welcomed and treated with love, respect, and as … Keep reading

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    • Recently divorced and I can only hope my ex picks a good stepmom but not likely. His current girlfriend is 27 and works in a bar. All of her FB pics are of her drunk at a bar with her girlfriends. Not exactly a good role model for my daughter. It would be nice if he picked a mature woman who is … Keep reading

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    • wow this is a beautiful letter! being a stepmom is so tough. I love my stepdaughter as if she is my own. I have raised her since she was 4 and now almost 13. Her mother is ‘lucifer’ and has tortured us the entire almost 9 yrs. She won’t let her daughter even call her father on fathers … Keep reading

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    • I really wish i could get to a place like this. I have a blended family and adore my step kids the same as my bio kids.. but my ex and his new wife like to talk bad about me and my husband and even post things on facebook and other sites about me that are hateful and hurt my kids. My kids rarely … Keep reading

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    • Yes this can happen and for the sake of the children out there that are in those situations this is what SHOULD happen! I am not divorced nor are my parents divorced but my sister got a divorce from her children’s father and he brought 2 children into the marriage when he married her. When … Keep reading

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    • My ex husband is now engaged to be married to another woman and I have only had the opportunity to be around her a few times. The first was when my ex had invited me and our girls to meet her for dinner at his place. I told him that evening that she seemed like a very nice woman and that I was … Keep reading

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    • My children’s stepmom is my best friend now. I have 3 kids with my ex-husband, and she came with 4 kids. We all consider ourselves one big family. I love her kids to pieces. We all just had family pictures done together. This may not be normal, and sometimes I do struggle with jealousy … Keep reading

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    • I love this mom and the step moms efforts. I am a product of divorce. My dad married 6 times my mother being his first and my mom twice my dad being her first. That being said every step mom I had hated my mom. I could never figure it out even step mom #6. My mom every year went out of her way to … Keep reading

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    • I have been a step mom for the last 30 year’s. I wish thing’s could have been diffrent but my husband’s ex was out for revenge and still is to this day. When the children were 4-14 we seen them every other weekend-every other holiday. Then his ex changed the rule’s and would make … Keep reading

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    • Being the step daughter, this brought a lot of wishes. My brother, sister and I were treated as the steps by her. And not too long after, by our Dad. She had children from a previous marriage, as well, and they got the love from our Dad we didn’t. I worked hard at making sure that didn’t… Keep reading

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    • My son is a grown man now but his dad and I divorced when he was 7 yrs old, his dad remarried 2 years later. Due to my depression and bipolar my son lived with them and visited me regularly. His stepmom and I have always had a cordial, friendly relationship.
      She has been a second mother … Keep reading

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    • No! There’s no it a single utterance I would want to say to my daughters stepmother. My daughter was wrongfully taken from me in 2001. I never harmed my daughter nor any of my other children nor any other child. 13 years have been lost between my daughter and myself and the rest of the family. … Keep reading

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    • This is how it should be done. When parents get jealous and start playing the child off each other no one wins and the child definitely loses.

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    • An awesome example of loving your kids more than loving to hate/spite an ex!

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    • This is a great story. When I was a stepmom, I was never given a chance to find out how I might get along with my stepdaughter’s mother. My husband was the problem. He didn’t want me to be in his daughter’s life other than cooking, cleaning and laundry. So in this story, I have to… Keep reading

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    • We are friendly enough with the kids mom, but I don’t like sitting next to her at the kids events. My husband and his ex run the kid stuff like a business. They were divorced long before I came along and this works well.

      Sitting next to her at a sporting event is awkward, like … Keep reading

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    • Kudos. My brother and his ex were able to do this, to the point of my niece inviting her step-mom and step-dad officiate her wedding. They all celebrate holidays together. This is great, because it makes holidays with the extended family so easy to see everyone and not be secretive as to who we … Keep reading

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    • What kind of monster is this mother? Step parents are evil and if she is stupid enough to think the woman her ex married is anything but a shrew out to destroy her daughter’s life, she has no business being a parent. Step parents hate the brats from the previous marriages and anyone foolish … Keep reading

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    • And the BIG winner is the dad! He can fuck all of them and leave them for some new girl that wants to be a part of the family or not. Way to go women! Way to go! You are so smart!

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    • My stepkids’ Mom and I would never have been friends, but I did try to respect the fact that she is their Mom and, along with their Dad, they are all a family no matter what. I think I did OK as an example, my stepdaughter now has a stepson and she tries to do the same with his Mom. It can be … Keep reading

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    • Who????????wants to hear that voice every day, you’re off MY team!!!!! That’s it. You’re off my team!!that’s it. You’re not on my team!!!!!! Yaadaa yaadaa yaadaa.

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    • My parents divorced when my older brother and I were still in elementary school. My little brother was only 2. My mom and dad never fought, never trash talked each other. When our birthdays came around, my mom had our party and invited my dad and stepmom. Holidays came, and my dads parents would … Keep reading

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    • When I first got with my husband, the mother of his son was very hard on us and didn’t make things easy (I get it) but now (4 years later) it is such an amazing relationship that her and I have. She knows I am not trying to take her place but rather be there for her son when she is not around. … Keep reading

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    • My wife’s ex and I are good friends and got along almost instantly, somewhat to the chagrin of my wife who wasn’t quite ready to let go of the anger at that time. From the beginning it was comforting to me to realize Ex and I were so much alike – except for a couple of key things that were the … Keep reading

About annetbell

I am a retired elementary teacher, well seasoned world traveler,new blogger, grandmother, and a new enthusiastic discoverer of the wonderfully complex country of India. Anne
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