Café Dissensus on February 15, 2013 : Zahir Janmohamed
I kept waiting for the phone to ring during the Gujarat riots in 2002. The week before I left for India, my father invited his Gujarati Hindu colleague Rupa Aunty for dinner at our house in California. When I was a kid, I tied the rakhibrotherhood bracelet on her son. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, Rupa Aunty was the first to spend the night with us at the hospital.
“If you need anything at all,” she told me just before I left for India, “my family is from Ahmedabad and we will be there for you.”
I grew up in California mispronouncing names of Gujarati dishes like thepla and my trip to Ahmedabad in 2002 was the first time anyone in my family had returned since my grandparents left Gujarat for Tanzania in the 1920s. This – my father kept reminding me – was my trip “home.”
Twelve days after I arrived as a service corps fellow with the America India Foundation, a train carrying Hindus was attacked in the Gujarat city of Godhra on February 27, 2002. The Gujarat Chief Minister, Narendra Modi, who may well become India’s next prime minister, was quick to blame the attack on Muslims.
The next morning, a Hindu mob carrying swords, torches, and kerosene filled bottles walked on my all-Hindu street in Ahmedabad looking for Muslims – Muslims like me – to kill. They made us shout names of Hindu deities that my parents taught me to say with reverence. In the distance I could see a lone business, owned by a Muslim, up in flames. When the mob passed, I ducked into an internet café and passed the front desk, hoping I would not have to sign in with my unmistakably Muslim name. But a young man stopped me.
“Sir, your good name, please?” he said, handing me a clipboard.
“My name,” I told him, “is Sanjay.”
I closed the curtain in the internet booth and held back tears as I emailed my parents the lie I needed to tell them: yes mom and dad, I am safe.
My father, a devout Muslim whose fondness for Mahatma Gandhi and Hinduism prompted him to give up meat as a young man, kept calling me during the riots.
“Have my friends contacted you? Have they offered to help?”
I did not need to tell him the answer. He knew.
“Just come home,” my father pleaded. India was suddenly alien and would never again be called “home” by anyone in my family.
During the riots I worked in the relief camps of Ahmedabad where tens of thousands of displaced Muslims fought for space and food in spaces half the size of a soccer field. I will never forget 12 year old Sadiq who watched both of his parents burned alive. In my six months working in the relief camps, I never heard him say a word. No one did.
When I returned to the US, the Gandhi picture my dad gave me when I graduated from high school was no longer hanging in my childhood bedroom.
“Gandhi is dead,” my father said.
All I wanted do after the riots was to talk about the riots. I traveled across the US for a year giving lectures. Everywhere I went I carried a small yellow plastic bag filled with newspaper clippings and photos of the homes, mosques, and lives I saw destroyed. When people doubted me, I would open up my bag.
“Here, this is what I saw. It really happened.” But many chose not to listen.
I grew distant from my friends. I stopped watching basketball. I started taking anti-depressants. My smile, friends kept reminding me, disappeared.
I switched my career to human rights and spent nine years working in Washington DC, mostly at Amnesty International. But I kept wondering: what happened to all those children I met like Sadiq who saw so much? How do they – and how do I – move on?
In March 2011, I quit my job as a foreign policy aide in the US Congress and returned to Gujarat for the first time in nine years, against the advice of my psychiatrist.
When I arrived, Hindus would not rent an apartment to me because I am Muslim and Muslims – now more insecure after the riots – told me they did not trust me. I ended up staying with a Hindu friend of mine. But there was one condition: I could not use my real name in the apartment building. Sanjay was back.
I begun conducting interviews and when I explained to Muslims in Ahmedabad that I returned using my own funds to write about the riots – and that the riots filled me with a loneliness that has not yet disappeared – some laughed.
“You are writing about 2002? Write about 2011.”
They have a point. Muslims I interviewed say they want more than justice. They want an end to employment discrimination. They want paved roads. They point out that in the Muslim ghetto of Juhapura where over 350,000 live, there are only six high schools – none of them government run.
But above all, Muslims in Gujarat told me they desire to be treated and viewed by their fellow Indians as Indians.
Last year, I interviewed a man named Nadeem Saiyed who organized survivors of the Narodya Patiya massacre to bear testimony to what they saw. A few months after I interviewed him, he was fatally stabbed 28 times. When I learned of his death, I replayed the audio from our interview. One line continues to haunt me.
“I was born,” he kept saying, “in the Gujarat riots of 2002.”
I hear this all the time. I think this all the time. But sometimes the pressure to “move on” becomes too intense and I fail to say these words.
Yes, the riots are over but the wound continues. Narendra Modi, after all, is popular in Gujarat because of the riots – not – despite the riots.
Today I am back in Gujarat and I live just two blocks away from where Nadeem was stabbed. When I decided to return to Gujarat this year to conduct more research, I was determined to retire “Sanjay” because I am exhausted from inventing a Hindu family that I do not have so that I may live in Gujarat.
After I failed to find an apartment in a Hindu area using my real name, I was forced to live in Juhapura, an area, some say, is the largest ghetto of Muslims in all of India. Police line is the street that functions as the “border” that surrounds this area and many Hindu rickshaw drivers refuse to enter Juhapura because they are “afraid.” On my street, a rickshaw driver, a real estate tycoon, a judge, and a nationally known journalist live side by side. I hear all of them repeat the same thing: “We live here because we have no other choice.”
Today in Juhapura I do not have regular running water in my apartment and my electricity cuts out often – something unusual in most parts, in particular in Hindu-dominated sections of Ahmedabad. When I finally registered my apartment lease with the police, a very kind Hindu officer told me I should be careful.
“The area you are staying is called mini-Pakistan and there are a lot of Pakistan intelligence (ISI) agents in the interiors.”
But it is here, only in this Muslim ghetto, where I feel safe.
I received the keys to my apartment the day before the Muslim celebration of Eid-al-Adha. The next morning I wore a crisp white Muslim style kurta over a pair of pleatless khakis and carried a white prayer skullcap in my hand.
All the men in my building had gathered at the front entrance. One man in his late 70s held his hand out as I came downstairs.
“Young man, I have not heard your complete name.”
I smiled and said the words I had to conceal so many times in Gujarat to survive.
“My full name,” I told him as we walked towards the mosque, “is Zahir Sajad Janmohamed.”
Three British Muslims from Batley, West Yorkshire were killed, and 1 Injured during the Gujarat Riots in February 2002, Last month marked the 11th Anniversary.
The Dawood Family Justice Campaign has been set up to ensure that we:
Compel the Indian Government to investigate the crime properly and thoroughly.
Urge the British Government to make the strongest possible representations; including taking any diplomatic action to ensure that justice is done for those who have been killed in such tragic circumstances.
Explore and mount legal actions where possible in India, Britain or abroad, against those responsible.
Raise funds for any legal, distribution of information and campaign costs.
Please do your part and help raise awareness for this campaign:
Web : http://dawoodcampaign.wordpress.com/
Further Background regarding the events of February 2002.
15 Responses to We are more than our name: A Gujarati Muslim ponders life under Narendra Modi
Mohtabai Patel
It seems that we live in a world where people are losing their humanity. In India, all persons should have their life and dignity protected, regardless of their beliefs – this is a cornerstone to democracy – democracy is not just about voting but relies on independent judiciary, rule of law, independent media nad most of all human rights. Now, consider this, in October 2012 Kodhnani, a State Mininster in Gujarat was convicted for her part in organising a murderous rampage, the peak of which culminated in the murder of a 2 day infant. Modi appointed Kodnani into his government after the riots – also these recent convictions came about as a result of the change in central Government and therefore appointment of Special Investigation Teams as prior to special investigations there were no convictions. An Indian Supreme Court Judge described the Gujarat Judiciary as being complicit in denying justice to Victims and the term ‘Modern Day Nero’ is applied to Modi (Nero was the Roman Emperor who stood by and encouraged the mass murder and pogrom of Christians in Rome in early Christendom). What I consider to be the saddest aspect of Gujarat is the absence of humanity and a warped sense of ethics. In Gujarat, Hindus are fully aware of the outrages that took place and having been in India at the time, the popular line was ‘oh, there is nothing happening there, its all just the media ..or they deserve to be taught a lesson – hit them and send them back to Pakistan etc etc..’ given the mass popularity of Modi post 2002 and onwards (note – popularity for economic policies is more recent phenomenum) there is in the hearts of many Gujarati Hindus a rejoicing of the outrages that took place. Do not forget, these outrages included mass gang rapes, killing of elderly and children and sheer barbarity. So, this is the sad face of Gujarat. People are trying to re-write history and therefore we should support and honour this author for his personal sacrifices and for writing this book. Without good people, they will try to re-write history. Let us hope that all Gujaratis can enjoy the rule of law and live in dignity. There is afterall, only one Race – the Human Race and the lives of all people, Hindus, Sikhs, Dalits, Muslims are sacred. There are too many bad people in this world today. When Hindus get killed we should be outraged. When muslims get killed we should be outraged. When Sikhs get killed we should be outraged. Never should a person rejoice at the death of an innocent human being. If you agree with this, then please comment below. Thank you and let the vision for India be inclusive for all her Citizens so that She becomes a great Country not a place where dirty souls carry out mass rapes and killings and people rejoice and wallow in such filth.
Jaweed
Mr.Mohtabai Patel,i appreciate and congratulate you for being so honest and true in your opinion.yes no body is above the human race.
Anand Saraf
Mr Mohtabhai Patel, I agree with you fully and it is with so much angst and unhappiness that I read the above article.
I hope so much that everyone can understand this truth and feel this way.
Asim kutchi
All innocent deaths are condemned. Simple.
Akshay Do you remember the stricture made by the Supreme Court Judge comparing Modi to Nero? Do you remember also his mentor Vajpayee’s warning to Modi with regard to the 2002 atrocities in Gujarat? Vajpayee himself had counseled Modi with the strong words and stronger implications.
He said that the Chief Minister of Gujarat must follow “Raj Dharma”. This was a severe condemnation from Vajpayee for Modi who had failed to offer protection for everyone under his rule.
“What happened in Gujarat was not a spontaneous uprising, it was a carefully orchestrated attack against Muslims. The attacks were planned in advance and organized with extensive participation of the police and state government officials.” HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Allah has revealed to me that you should humble yourselves to one another. One should neither hold himself above another nor transgress against another.” [Muslim]. Also….”You will not enter paradise until you have faith. And you will not complete your faith until you love one another.”
M Sarkar
Asim Kutchi makes some good points above.
Faith and good deeds are incomplete unless one has shown respect for other humans and living creatures, irrespective of religious or ethnic denomination.
The 2012 documentary film The Act Of Killing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Act_of_Killing) attempted to explore the psyche of “celebrated” leaders who had personally killed innocents or led mobs/gangs that killed. Despite the bravado and unrepentant attitude, a killer or one that is complicit in killings can never escape the knowledge of his misdeeds.
Subodh Lal
Absolutely heart rending to read Sanjay/Zaheer’s story. I am a self-professed atheist, but since I was born into a Hindu family and my wife is a devout Hindu, too, I have, willy nilly, a lot of Hindu in me. On the other hand, I belong to a family where life-long friendships were made and strengthened regardless of the faith one had. My father, an Urdu poet, born and raised in Bharatpur (in Rajasthan) had a predominantly muslim group of friends, given his love for Urdu, Persian and poetry/Mushairas (poetry symposia). We, eight of us siblings, inherited the same culture. Today as i speak Urdu as my first language, say “Aadab” instead of ‘namaste’ as salutation, I am often looked at in suspicion. People try straight forward or round about ways to ask me my name, to know my religion, suspecting, of course, that i have to be a muslim. Quite for fun, I would often say ‘Sallem’ – a name I quite like for its melody- and then pause to see reactions around. Being a muslim in a metro train is such a frightening experience.
The boy -all of 16- who comes to collect garbage bags at our house in Noida, is a gentle smilimg character. Abdul is his name In addition to what the Residents’ Association gives him to collect garbage, I give him a little money every month. I told him one of these past months that he was too young to have forsaken his studies to do the job that he was doing. He smiled wryly. But he did say that the contract for garbage collection was in his father’s name and not in his own name. Yesterday, Abdul’s father accompanied him in the garbage collection round. I asked him what his name was. He said: ‘Manish’. [This story can be verified by whoever wants to. I live in Block B of Sector-51, Noida on the outskirts of New Delhi].
Abhay
There are so many people in India who suffer from similar riots’ history, and yet no one is keen for justice to them.. All just say, ‘what happened,is happened,and it wont happen again’ .But i realy dont feel that this is how it has to finish.
And about the Gujurat riots if seen, a majority of hindus don’t need a feel for justice over that, and if seen from the Muslim side, many want to seek justice. Such riots keep happening in India ,and specially under the guidance of Political leaders.And so, no one cares about the consequences.Hope all people realize ,and come forward to seek justice together!
Ayesha
I can say this is a fact which probably many Muslims in India are facing everyday. I can say, not just in Gujrat but also in other parts of India you can see that so many Hindu house owners will not rent their apartment to a Muslim. I am a Muslim convert and after a lot of struggle to get a rented apartment, I finally used my original Hindu brahmin name to get an apartment in a Muslim dominated area of the city! The irony is that this is a culture we have built in the system and many politicians have played on this fact. I wonder what will happen if Modi takes over as a PM. Least,we could expect some justice for the ones who went through the trauma of Gujrat riots. I know someone at work who tells me he can never forget those riots (he was in Gujrat then) and that many of his friends have not come over it. I am not sure if it is a right comparison but I would say we are much better off than the Palestine and Israeli war going on for so many years. Let’s come closer to our own Kashmir. The region still continues to witness riots in one form or the other, everyday. I wish someone would equally write about the state of people in Kashmir!
I loved what Asim Kutchi rightly pointed out : The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Allah has revealed to me that you should humble yourselves to one another. One should neither hold himself above another nor transgress against another.” [Muslim]. Also….”You will not enter paradise until you have faith. And you will not complete your faith until you love one another.”
Ankur
People here, have their views and their words of wisdom to share. However, I refuse to comment.
Mr Janmohamed, if you ever come across this article of mine,all I want you to know is that, I intend to apologize to you. Most importantly, I want to apologize for the trauma, my side of the religion has caused you and my other Muslim brothers and sisters. From all Hindus, we wish to accept you with open arms.
Zubair
Mr. Ankur we require more people like you in this country…it increases the hope and positivity towards the future of minorities.
Prabhakar balwinder
It is very distressing to read such articles. I am very sorry for all that happened to those killed in the train and the riots.
Hindus need to show their tolerance and compassion for all humans and not consider religion or caste as a bias. Look what happened in Pakistan ! So many killed in the church during a prayer meeting.
I grew up in a. Hindu Brahmin family. My father adopted sikhism. I went to catholic schools. My fathers best friend was a muslim. Thats the envoirement i grew up in.
Playing with my hadji ji daughters who were all married off by age 15!
Today i cant even go to the neighbourhood where hadji ji used to live. The women are dressed in black and only the eyes are visible. My friend wanted to wear a sari but her muslim husband and brothers forbid it.
I feel like an alien and a deep difference. What happened? Why so much radicalisation? In name of religion? Religion brings only hate.
I am sorry at what is happening and confused.
Patriotic Indian
I will leave these here – about the state which had historical violence for a long, long time:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1969_Gujarat_riots
Shakila Hameed
Mr. Jahir, your effort is laudable. Instead of taking refuge in the comfort of a foreign nation and a handsomely paying job, your soul pushed you back to Gujarat, where many (especially muslims) fear to tread.
Also heart warming to see now, that inspite of all the media hype over Modi, yet there are some very strong and straight forward hindus who fight for the injustice inflicted in Gujarat to the minorities. This is what gives me hope about my county India.
ash
Religion is the top killer of humans all over the world.
Not very far from Gujarat over the border, Muslims who left India are suffering… We need to support them. They are not dead yet but, suffering nevertheless.
priyanka
It makes my heart so sad…i have lived in gujarat for sometime , a comfortable life because I am a Hindu. I live in Finland now but i will give up my Indian citizenship the day Modi is elected as Prime Minister. The india which is ruled my Modi is not my India.