The Bible According to Donald Trump


image from Google public domain

The New Yorker

A Few More #TrumpBible Verses

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump hasn’t been shy on the campaign trail about his Presbyterian faith…. He’s also professed his love for the Bible on many occasions, calling it “the greatest book of all time.” But when given the opportunity to share one or two of his favorite Bible verses, he was uncharacteristically mum…. As a result, the Twitterverse decided to do it for him. That’s where #TrumpBible comes in.
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was TERRIFIC. And also HUUUUGE. #TrumpBible

And Jesus went out into the desert. But he should’ve invested in hotels there. I mean, I’m killing it in Vegas. A LOT of money. #TrumpBible

He rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Silence! Be still!” But Jorge Ramos kept talking and talking. #TrumpBible

Love covers a multitude of sins. Sure. But you’d be nuts not to get a prenup. I mean, c’mon. #TrumpBible

And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had 10 horns & 7 heads & a 9PM show on Fox. Correct-o-mundo. It was Megyn Kelly. #TrumpBible

And afterward Joshua, son of Nun, died at the age of 110, full of years & with a prostate the size of Shechem & Gilgal combined. #TrumpBible

And Saul told his warriors, “Mexico’s destroying us. We’re a laughingstock.” “We know,” they replied. “Mexico is the new China.”#TrumpBible

And Jesus came to them walking on the waves and said, “Have you seen the polls? I’m, like, WAY ahead. It’s not even close.” #TrumpBible

Blessed are the dealmakers. Who needs to inherit? #TrumpBible

And the Lord beheld the Tower they built on the plain of Shinar & said, “Black w/chrome & gold? I don’t think so. Pls try again.” #TrumpBible

Take a little wine for thy stomach’s sake. And if you’re eating the Surf & Turf you can go with the red OR the white. Your call. #TrumpBible

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. For a season. #TrumpBible

So in the evening quail covered the camp & I was like, “Really, Lord? Quail? I assume you’re trying to impress us, b/c WOW.” #TrumpBible

And Pharaoh said to Moses, “Do you know how many Hispanics I have working for me?” #TrumpBible

Nathan said to David, “You are the man!” And David said, “No, YOU are the man!” And they high-fived each other. It was fabulous. #TrumpBible

Then there came a tax collector & I said, “Good luck, because I’ve got the best tax lawyers. I mean, they’re monsters. Forget it.” #TrumpBible

And after the wind came an earthquake & he was not in the earthquake. So I’m like, c’mon already. Where are you? I’m a busy man. #TrumpBible

Among whom was Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of Jesus, and the mother of James & John. Three classy ladies. TREMENDOUS class. #TrumpBible

Sarah lived to be a hundred and twenty-seven years old, but even young she was nothing to look at, so you can just imagine. #TrumpBible

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, unless he calls your followers “crazies.” #TrumpBible

Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but I have duplexes with views of the East River. The Chinese are buying them like crazy. #TrumpBible

A good wife, who can find? I found three. #TrumpBible

You’ve heard it said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,” but I say unto you, that’s lousy negotiating. Why break even? #TrumpBible

A good name is better than fine perfume. But nothing’s better than Trump Cologne. #TrumpBible

At the Last Supper, Jesus said to Judas, “What you must do, do quickly. And do it under budget if possible. Unheard of, right?” #TrumpBible

A sower went out to sow. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love sowers. But they’re killing us. They’re sending us their worst sowers. #TrumpBible

A man went to Jericho & he was set upon by thieves. Because they have lousy security in Jericho. The unions destroyed it there. #TrumpBible

Moses saw that the bush was on fire but was not consumed, because, face it, the bush was low-energy. #TrumpBible

A prophet is not without honor except in his home town. But I was born in Queens, so who cares? #TrumpBible
When Paul & Silas were praying, an earthquake shook the jail & all the doors were opened, because none of it was built to code. #TrumpBible

A man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a piece of property. But they were the worst negotiators. They got killed. #TrumpBible

Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. Wait a minute—I don’t want to get that specific. #TrumpBible

This is the most unusual campaign season most Americans have seen in a lifetime. And the rise of Donald Trump’s campaign for the Republican nomination is at the top of the list.  In fact the top three candidates on the Republican side are non-politicians, Trump, Carson and Fiorina have never held office.  There is a history of non-politicians being elected president but they were mostly generals in the military . I am saving that for another post.  What is really strange to me in that many strong Christians are supporting  Trump.  

All that seems clear, is that many people in the US are fed up with politics as usual and the same old same old politicians. Considering that Clinton has a huge negative  with “liar” being the repose to the question of an adjective for her !

We need to be diligent in trying to know the candidates.  We  seem to get the leaders we deserve.  Voting is our responsibility !


About annetbell

I am a retired elementary teacher, well seasoned world traveler,new blogger, grandmother, and a new enthusiastic discoverer of the wonderfully complex country of India. Anne
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7 Responses to The Bible According to Donald Trump

  1. Don Ostertag says:

    The ‘Christians’ that support Trump seem to have forgotten Christ’s words, “And love thy neighbor as thyself.” The hatred this man spews is straight out of the speeches of Hitler, which Trump’s ex wife said he kept a copy of next to his bed. The only difference is he is substituting Mexicans for Jews. Not only does he have backing of some ‘Christians’, he also has the backing of the White Supremacy Hate Groups, who also call themselves ‘Christians’. I see where David Duke, the ‘ex head’ of the KKK endorsed him recently. This isn’t about politics. It is about HATE!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ShaunyNews says:

    Hillary will be next POTUS. Me personally, and I speak for many of my Scottish Kin don’t want Trump as POTUS, but we don’t want Hillary either. The impact from the USA spreads around the globe. This is what American voters don’t care about… ‘X’

    Liked by 1 person

    • annetbell says:

      I hadn’t really thought about that point before. Yes, I think most Americans vote thinking about which candidate is best for them and don’ t think about the larger picture. Do you think that people anywhere vote thinking about how their election affects the rest of the world? I guess that is the idea that we are all citizens of the world. . . . the new world order that I think most Americans are not supportive of. . . .maybe just the progressives who are control now, but not the Fox viewers.

      Liked by 1 person

      • ShaunyNews says:

        All I can do is speak for my culture knowingly 100%. We do care about the world. Nicola is accepting refugee’s, families who have lose the lot and given money. Scottish people applaud her knowing happily it comes out of our tax money, we are a species who understand the process’s of Government, because through ‘Referendums’ We control Government law here…
        I see a Country different and it confuses me… So I research and share, the person has to decide “Do I want to know or not” I never really give much thought to what people feel, more what they understand. America falls, the World falls…
        Do American people understand this? NO!! But neither to many Countries…
        As I always say, just my opinion, the smaller the Country the better standard of life within that culture. Northern Europe (As you will see from this link) is a very good place to live, but you only know it by researching links like the one below. I see Scottish people moaning in Dr’s Surgeries and Hospitals because they waited 20 minutes…GOD FORBID!! Scottish people don’t know some Countries, like America who have a 2nd World Health Care System have it 100x Worse and pay for the pleasure. We don’t pay a penny here..So IGNORANCE is a very Global thing! All here >>
        This link you will see it a little maybe..x

        Well said Anne!! x

        Liked by 1 person

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